10/27/2006: "Blog Entry #115"

Well, something needs to be said. Briefly.

If you came here looking for a post you’d heard about recently, don’t bother searching: it’s not here. I’m always amazed at the disharmony me and this silly blog create. I shouldn’t be so surprised: in retrospect, that particular post couldn’t help but create disharmony. I can’t really speak about it too much, and don’t want to—I really do want to be done with that publicity event. Why I’d have gone and written such a post if all I wanted to do was be through with it is a good question; all I can answer with is, I do a lot of dumb things. Dumb things are, for better or for worse, a big part of who I am. In a lot of ways, me having a public blog is like a Tourette’s sufferer having a radio station—except that I have no excuse for what comes out of my mouth.

Here’s what I will say: there was an event. I made my bed and I slept in it. And, to continue this shopworn analogy, I guess I woke up sometime later, looked at the twisted and blood-spattered bed sheets, wondered why and how this particular sleep had been so painful and—much more importantly—so confusing, and answered them according to the way I felt. And, in the main, still feel. If this were an unaffiliated blog, if I owned it, the post would still be up and I would’ve taken whatever criticisms and lawsuits came down the pike.

I do apologize for not truly understanding Mike Knox’s mindset in the whole thing. We’ve been in contact since the post, and I admit I didn’t realize his level of anxiety was in all likelihood the equal of mine—whether you’re an underdog or a favorite, there’s still going to be a huge amount of worry up in front of 300-odd people. I was blind to that, and feel awful for that blindness.

Emails regarding the post had been coming in steady, though I imagine those will cease now that the accelerant is no longer online. Some were supportive. Others called me a whiny sucky-baby and a poor sport to boot. Plenty of room on both sides of that fence.

Barring any sort of flare-up—provoked by someone other than me; I’ve done enough provoking for the next 5 years—this is my last post on that particular event. I can’t believe I’m saying this, as a totally unknown nobody writer, but I actually don’t want any more attention on that front. Hopefully the removal of the offending material will accomplish that.

And while I agonized about making any sort of follow-up post at all, in the end I couldn’t leave the removal unexplained. Hopefully that will be understood.

All best, Craig.