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Friday, July 28th
Final Fight Entry for Awhile
Hi All,
I have managed to get back to everyone who wrote me fight requests; if you sent me something, as I wrote you, I’ve sent it on to my publicist and things will go from there. If you wrote me and did not receive a reply, I would ask you to write me again (if you desire); as I said in a previous post, my hotmail account is very old and has become somewhat unreliable. I really should get a new one, if for no other reason than listing my contact email as craigiepops@hotmail.com">craigiepops@hotmail.com has become increasingly embarrassing as I move forward into my 30s.
This will be my last “fight” post for awhile—unless, of course, my challenger is solidified or some big development presents itself, at which point, of course, I will let everyone know.
I really only have one thing to clarify here, but it is a complicated point of clarification, and is prompted by a few emails I have received. I can’t say they are hate emails, because they aren’t, or at least not exactly. I would say they were mildly disrespectful, but then that might sound as though I expect respect from anyone who sends me mail, which I do not. I would say that they misinterpreted me, my aims, and perhaps who I even am as a person—but again, that is not fair, because most people, including those who sent the emails, know me solely from what they read on this blog, or the impression they’ve picked from my stories, or perhaps the few parsed sentences they may have read recently in the Globe and Mail or The National Post. So I don’t hold anything against these emailers (there were only two of them, but perhaps many others think the way they do), and indeed I am happy to have received their messages, but I think it would do well to spare a few paragraphs to clarify my own reasons for why I’m doing this
Craig Davidson on 07.28.06 @ 11:21 PM EST [more..]
Tuesday, July 25th
An Unprecedented Outpouring of Bloodlust
Hi All,
Well, it would seem as though I have cracked open something of a Pandora's box with my fight challenge. I had no idea of the depth and breadth of my fellow countrymen's (and a few non-Canadians) raging bloodlust, a wide and deep and profound vein of simmering rage and powderkeg violence that clings so close to your vicious little bosoms.
Huzzah!
My email inbox has quite literally exploded with fight challenges. If you have emailed me, I will get back to you over the next few days; I will get back to everyone, so if you sent something and did not hear back, you may want to re-send it (my hotmail account blows).
Suffice it to say, I wish I could fight all of you. I wish it were possible to punch you all in your faces and bellies and to be punched in kind, to have the manly topography of my face re-landscaped in bizarre and breathtaking ways...
...alas, I cannot.
Craig Davidson on 07.25.06 @ 06:08 PM EST [more..]
Wednesday, July 19th
I Want to Fight You (Them's Fighting Words!)
As things progress towards the Canadian publication of THE FIGHTER, I am in infrequent contact with my publicist regarding the sundry ways we might go about promoting the book. I, as writer---or auteur, or the god-like “Creator,” if you will---have certain ideas as to who my readership is, and the best way to try to reach them. For example, adverts in the Glob and Mail (I was going to correct that typo, but I like it better as is): Penguin might as well flush the money down the toilet. People who might be interested in THE FIGHTER are probably not reading the Glob. Or at least, not enough to merit the ad rate. So says I.
Readings in and about Canada, literary festivals, etc, again probably won’t do the trick. I mean, they’re great fun for me: they put you up in a nice hotel, give you a per diem (which everyone summarily blows on a ridiculous extravagance like lobster-stuffed filet mignon, because really, you can’t give writers free money because almost all of us are morons in regards to financial matters; if you gave a writer a thousand dollars, 99% of us will use it to buy is something frivolous---a used moped, a thousand-dollar scarf, a wheelbarrow full of Hostess Twinkies---because we don’t know any better. That’s why so many writers die penniless: we don’t properly understand the value of a dollar), wine and dine you, etc, and all you do is go and read from your book for ten-twenty minutes. Really, I felt like a heel for what I got compared to what I gave; I wanted to ask the festival organisers, “So do you need someone to sweep up after the readings? Because, like, I can totally DO that.”
But really, I don’t know that a lot of my readers will be found at festivals; maybe, maybe not. And I already did the book tour “thing,” and, like most of my experiences, it was not all it was hyped up to be---unless my vision of a book tour involved driving 6 hours to a city, going to a bookstore for a reading where nobody showed, then spending the night eating a room service steak sandwich in my hotel room, in my underwear, my body illuminated by the glow of a TV screen playing a repeat of Full House, the episode where Uncle Joey crashes his motorcycle---if THAT had been my vision of a book tour, then yes, you could say all my dreams came true. In any case, I feel that the money spent sending me hither and yon---while enjoyable for a free spirit like myself, me, the equivalent of a human tumbleweed---it would be personally enjoyable, but I think overall not so cost effective in terms of promoting the book.
So I was overjoyed when I heard from Penguin that they’ll be putting together a website (www.thefighter.ca), which is not set up yet, but will be up at some point to promote the book. It’ll have a lot of cool stuff: excerpts, an interview, the Bookshorts video, maybe a video game, and some surprises we’re still cooking up. This, I think, is a great way to market the book: my readers are web-savvy (you found your way here, didn’t you?), and the book publishing world has not yet learned to use the Web to its fullest potential. Anyway, the site is coming and I will let everyone know when it’s ready to go.
But the point of this blog is not to announce the site. No, but it DOES involve promotion.
My publicist at Penguin called me up a few months ago with a proposition.
STEPHEN: Craig, how would you feel about fighting someone to promote the book?
ME: Stephen, what exactly do you mean?
STEPHEN: I mean what I say. You, Craig Davidson, fighting…well, someone.
ME: You mean, for real? Beating each other up?
STEPHEN: Yes. In a boxing ring. Gloves and whatnot. Marquis de Queensbury. Only if you’re willing.
ME [slightest pause]: Stephen, I am willing.
Craig Davidson on 07.19.06 @ 07:40 PM EST [more..]
Wednesday, July 12th
Overheard on the plane bound for Calgary
My brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs when we were a certain age---I’d say from age 8 (Graham 5) to 18 (Graham 15) our relationship was a combative one. But we’ve been such good buds for so long that I’d forgotten the way we used to fight, our tactics, the manner in which we---maybe all brothers; maybe all siblings regardless of gender---used to get under each others’ skin.
That was, until I sat in front of Andrew and Connor on my flight today. Andrew and Connor, from what I could glean, live in Calgary and have season’s tickets to the Flames. They also fought bitterly throughout the entire 2 ½ flight, amusing me to no end.
The following are some of the highlights from their fight. I’ll break down the characters.
ANDY: 12 years old. The younger brother. Smart, savvy, manipulative; does all the things the younger brother has to do to even the playing field. A consummate goader. I would guess that Andy’s IQ is 30 to 40 points higher than Connor’s.
CONNOR: 14 years old. The older brother. A bully. What cannot be taken through coercion, Connor will try to take by force. Tried a few mind games with Andy and was shot down spectacularly, like a bomber over Dresden.
They started fighting before the plane even took off. Andy had the window seat, and Connor wanted it. Andy also had some beef jerky---Connor had already eaten his allotment---and Connor wanted that, too. You could say, all things considered, Andy was in the catbird seat.
Craig Davidson on 07.12.06 @ 06:04 PM EST [more..]
Thursday, July 6th
International Federation of Competitive Eating
Hi All,
Perhaps you’ve heard of the I.F.O.C.E. Or again, perhaps not. They’re a real organization, with a coat of arms (two lions eating a hotdog, crossed ketchup and mustard bottles, and a soft-serve ice cream cone) and everything. They’ve got tournament listings, eater (or “gurgitator”) rankings, and the current world records—example: Hamburgers [3/4 pound “Thickburgers]: 7 in 10 minutes, a record held by Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas.
www.ifoce.com
Is it just me, or is this totally fascinating? This strange world of phenomenal gluttons, eating anything and everything and eating it FAST. Risking burst bellies, I must believe. I got lost on this site for a good hour and a half.
The I.F.O.C.E’s hero is Takeru Kobayashi, the now 6 time champ at Nathan’s famous Coney Island hot dog eating contest. A scrap of a guy, 132 pounds, he ate 53 3/4 hotdogs in 12 minutes. My lord. They’ve got a video clip of him eating those frankfurters—I swear, he’s a human wood chipper! And he’s just demolishing these giant 400lb dudes, who just stop with a mouthful of weiner hanging out of their maws, beholding the juggernaut that is Kobayashi. It’s pretty safe to say that Kobayashi is my new hero.
Craig Davidson on 07.06.06 @ 09:54 PM EST [more..]
Monday, July 3rd
Tucker Max—SMOKING GUN INVESTIGATION (Long Post)
Hi All,
As readers of this blog will note, I don’t go out of my way to hammer other people, especially writers; writing is a tough enough gig without having to absorb criticism from some turd like me out in the blogosphere. I would like to think that my posts on the James Frey debacle weren’t overly harsh, and I gave Kaavya Viswanathan the benefit of the doubt when her plagiarism woes were going on.
My question is: Why hasn’t someone nominated me for the Nobel Peace Prize for these selfless good deeds? What’s Bono got that I don’t?
Okay, my only point was that I don’t make a habit of putting the boots to other writers. That is, until today.
Tucker Max. Maybe you’ve heard of the guy. He’s this hard-drinking, partying, womanizing, wisecracking, rapier-witted uber-fratboy (except he’s my age, which makes it a little sad).
He is also quite possibly the biggest bullshitter on the Internet. Honest to god, the guy makes James Frey look like Honest Abe.
His website is: www.tuckermax.com
I first heard of Tucker when I ran across Maddox’s truly hilarious site, The Best Page in the Universe ( www.maddox.xmission.com ) Tucker and Maddox and Robert Hamburger (author of Real Ultimate Power—The Official Ninja Book; also hilarious) and a few other guys have been grouped together as the premier practitioners of “Fratire”—fraternity satire—which revels in the sort of things fratboys dig: epic bowel movements, drunken vomiting, insulting PC squares, farting on friends while they’re slumbering, receiving oral gratification whilst taking a dump, “nailing hot chicks in the pooper,” etc.
Now before anyone get the impression I’m coming down on Fratire, let me disabuse you of that notion. I get a hearty laugh out of an epic bowel movement story, if it’s told with panache. Does that make me a bad person? Potentially, but a lot of things make me a bad person.
I am a supporter of Fratire. I am not a supporter of Tucker Max, because he is a liar.
Craig Davidson on 07.03.06 @ 02:55 PM EST [more..]
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