PLEASE CONTACT THE BARRISTER ...
So you know those emails you get from overseas conmen—the scam that plays where some rich fellow in some country’s got to funnel all his dough out following a coup, and the best way he sees fit to do so is by emailing random strangers who might be interested in receiving some of that free loot? Of course you do; we’ve all gotten something along these lines. In fact, DATELINE did a show on the phenomenon, once; these guys mainly hang out in Internet cafes in Sudan or someplace, stringing dopes along—and sadly, they get a lot of business. They’re called 411 men, if I remember, owing to the area code where they all hail from maybe; anyway, there’s this music video where the 411 men are valorized—the singer’s romping around shouting out “4-1-1 take all your mo-NEY! 4-1-1 take all your MON-ey!” So, they’re real heroes, these 411 men; real desperadoes. Anyway, they’re bilking greedy Westerners—greed is the main part of the scam; something for nothing—so part of me thinks those folks get what they’re asking for.
Anyway, so, like most people I get these and delete them. But a few weeks ago, thinking about this blog, I got one—from a PRINCE! Prince Matthew of Burkina Faso, I think—whose dear sainted papa, the KING! passed on, and now some government ruffians are after him for all his moolah. So I thought I’d see just how long this guy would put up with me before realizing I was busting on his ass and gave me the ole heave-ho.
The short answer, as you will see: a looooong-ass time.
The personality I effected for this little game was reminiscent of a teacher I had in high school, Mr. Rocco Devuono. Rocco had the oddest manner of getting pissed at you then feeling bad for having done so, flip-flopping several times in the course of a single conversation. It went somewhat like this:
“Craig you are the worst student I’ve ever seen; you’re awful you don’t try hard enough ... you’re a good kid, Craig, you’ve got a lot of potential ... you’re an idiot! You’ve got no good sense; I ought to knock every tooth from your head! ... you’re not so bad, Craig—in fact, you’re great! You’re the best student I’ve ever had, and I’ve had plenty! ... I hate you! You’re a bastard! ... I love you! You’re fabulous, let us never be apart!”
Okay, so that’s over-the-top, but you get the point. Wacky wild mood swings, which I thought would work for this—was I crazy, would I give Prince Matthew all my dough, or was I just fucking with him? Basically I just played the greedy idiot, repeatedly asking clarification to keep it going.
Onwards. We’ll pick it up on our second interaction; his first was the standard boilerplate and my reply was “Tell me more.”
Craig Davidson on 09.11.07 @ 04:29 PM EST [more..] [5 Comments]
